Why You Assemble Your IKEA Furniture from Top to Bottom

What is the last thing you learned?

Several days ago wife bought a brandless knock-down TV Stand from an online marketplace. Today, we set aside time to put it together.

As I tore open the packaging, I searched for any semblance of an assembly manual. “Hon, I can’t find the instructions,” I told my wife. She came from the kitchen and began looking in the bottom of the box. “You’re right. There isn’t any. Can you use the product picture instead?”

I looked at the picture, and took a closer look at the wooden pieces, the screws, and the nails. Then I realized this had to be assembled from the top down.

Just like a lot of IKEA furnitures.

I have built a desk, a bed, a bookcase, a drawer chest, and a sundry of paraphernalia from the Swedish brand. Every time I followed the instructions faithfully. Those experiences have transformed into a skill. That’s how I figured out the steps to assemble that TV stand without the help of a manual or a YouTube tutorial.

Now that I have to build a set myself I saw the simple logic behind the IKEA instruction.

We may not directly ready to face our circumstances. But if we pay attention to our self development, we will discover past experiences that can be used to solve today’s problems.

Random Things

What If I Won the Lottery

Bloganuary writing prompt

What would you do if you won the lottery?

View all responses

Of course, this has crossed my mind before. The thought comes in several variants. From the generic “if I won the lottery” to “if somebody gave me tons of money”. However, the point remains: what would I do if I came into possession of a highly substantial amount of money?

I would prepare for a future without working to make money. I’d set up investments and funds that will generate enough monthly income that I don’t have to work yet I can live comfortably, have all my expenses covered, have time for my family and myself, be involved in my community, have money to invest in myself, to have fun, to go traveling, to give to charities and other worthy causes, and to save even more money.
I would buy insurance for unexpected incidents. You may never know.
I would trade up my home to a larger property with enough space to entertain people.
A new car might be on the list, but I’m not keen on spending money on things that lose value. I might choose to just rent or hail a ride whenever I need to use one. I don’t have to worry about maintenance and insurance, I don’t have to have a garage, and I can match the vehicle to the occasion.

That’s it.

Question and Answer

Handling an Unreasonable Demand

My company has a contract with another corporation. For this business, the other company needs to send documents to my boss every now and then. At first, there was no problem. My boss always got the documents without involving me. Lately, a person in that company insists that I should be the one to go there and pick up the documents. I am a manager and I found this insulting to my position. But since the person is technically a client, I cannot just refuse. What should I do to make this stop? – M

Dear M,

Assuming the person is not someone who enjoys showing power by making others do menial errands, there could be several possibilities behind the request (or as it seems from your side, demand). For example:

The person might use it as an excuse to meet you so he/she can speak face-to-face with you. Why the person could not say this directly is a different question.
For some reason, the person wants to be able to say to his/her superior that the documents have been handed directly to you as a representative of your company/your boss.

Whatever the actual situation is, you need to take control. Talk to the person and find out the urgency behind the request. You don’t need to wait until the next documents need a pickup.

Invite the person to meet. Before the meeting, make a list of any possible solutions you can offer. Anything that comes to your mind. This will help you see the situation from a wider point of view, and will give you greater confidence.

In the meeting, express your appreciation for the business from his/her company. Say that you would like to give them better service. Yet as a manager with responsibilities, there are limits on what you can do yourself. You want to give your best in your position, and doing something outside that will be a disservice to them. Try to say something along the line of, “Ask me anything related to my expertise and I will gladly be at your service. On the other hand, asking me to do something less than my capability is like having the most advanced phone and only using it for text messages. Don’t you agree?” It is akin to saying, “I’m a manager and I don’t deserve to be your errand person,” but with a twist. Whatever you say, try to put it in terms of their interest.

From this point, you can ask probing questions to know the reason behind the request. “I understand that previously documents from you reached us without a problem and without involving me. May I know what changed so now you need me to come and get them?” Clarifying the reason can open doors for discussion and negotiation. However, as much as you can, avoid proposing anything until all cards are on the table. Understanding the situation from every angle can help bring an agreement that is profitable for both sides. Good luck!

Communication

Responding to Questions that You Cannot Answer

There are times in our careers when someone poses a question that we cannot answer. It could be in a meeting, in a business presentation, in an informal conversation, in a class, in an interview, or in a sales call.

What to Bear in Mind While Handling Questions

Take every question as a learning opportunity for yourself.
Be as curious as the person asking the question.
Put yourself in the position of sharing what you know and your experience.
You don’t have to know everything. But…
If you don’t know something because you didn’t do your homework, then it is better to humbly accept the correction than to defend your mistake.

Why You Cannot Answer

You don’t know the answer because you have not gathered the information on the subject.
You only know the answer partially, and you don’t want to cause a misunderstanding.
You know the answer, but it is not in your authority to divulge the information.
You have never been in the situation.
The question is outside your field of expertise.

Ways to respond

1. If you don’t know the answer, you can candidly say, “I don’t know,” or you can use the diplomatic version, “I am afraid I don’t have that information right now.” Being honest is better than making up an answer which could later be proved to be wrong. But don’t stop there. Keep your credibility intact by taking responsibility to find out the answer. Add, “But I will contact [name a specific person or department] today, and I will give you the information at [give a deadline].”

If you’re in a face-to-face situation, feel free to pick up your phone and shoot an email or message right there and then to ask for the answer. This will demonstrate that you take the matter seriously and win rapport with the person.

2. If you only know the answer partially, it is better to not answer directly. You can say something in the line of, “I am afraid I don’t know the whole story. Let me check with [name the person] and I will get back to you at [set a deadline].” Or if you don’t want to appear to be out of the loop by saying that you don’t know, you can give a disclaimer. “As far as I know from the last time I spoke to Bill, the situation is [tell the little information that you have]. But that may have changed in the past three days. Let me give you an update at [set a deadline].”

3. If it is not within your authority to give the answer, you can say, “I am afraid I cannot answer that. Please wait for [name the authorized person] to brief you.” Out of respect to the organization, it is advisable to avoid answering this kind of question yourself.

4. If you have not been in the situation that is in question, you can offer an example of a similar situation. “Unfortunately I have not taken part in such projects. But three years ago I was involved in a so-and-so project, which is in principle similar to the one you’re asking. From that experience, I can share that…” If it happens in your presentation, to make the discussion even more valuable, after sharing your answer, you can ask the rest of the audience to contribute their experience.

5. If the question is outside of your field of expertise, you can invite a more qualified member of the audience to give their view on the subject. Say, “That question is very relevant to the financial side of this project. Cathy, since you are in charge of the finances, would you care to take this one?”

If you are asked this question in an interview, it is better to honestly admit the truth. But you can add value to the interview by sharing your own experience related to the question. Say, “Unfortunately in my past jobs I am more involved in the user experience design and I am not trained in programming. However, from what I learned during the app development projects, challenges that programmers often face are…”

Please share in the comments if you know other tactics in handling questions you cannot answer.

Relations, Workplace

Why Is It Difficult to Remember Names?

A few years ago, I was invited by a salesperson to go with her to visit a prospect. Once the introduction, hand-shaking, and business card exchange were completed, everybody sat down. I saw the executive of the prospective client put our business cards neatly in front of him. During the meeting, I noticed that he peeked at the cards before addressing one of us. What an ingenious way to make sure that he would not call someone with the wrong name, I thought.

Let’s be honest: who never once forgot the name of the person to whom they have just been introduced?

There are at least two reasons why that happens.

We simply are not interested enough in the person. This is often the case when are simply making polite conversation with someone that we don’t believe we will see again. Or when the person we are seeing is taking someone who we did not expect to the meeting. We came to meet Wayne the purchasing manager, and not Penny his staff. Naturally, most of our attention is paid to Wayne. In that situation, we might forget her name.

We often don’t realize the great effort it takes to remember names. Our brain has many functions that it must fulfill at all times other than memorizing. With so much going on, hearing a name once is not enough for the brain to remember. This is especially true when we are making conversation with someone we just met. Our mind is so focused on finding interesting facts to say, paying attention to the person’s reaction, and reacting to what they say, we neglect to submit their name to memory.

Therefore, we need to make a conscious effort to make the name stick. Some ideas:

Ask how it is spelled. This is useful when the name is not familiar, or when there are alternative spellings to it. My name, for example, can be spelled with a v or a ph. This can help you put greater attention to the name, and make the other person feel they are important to you.

Repeat their name by using it during the conversation. This helps you commit the name to long-term memory. For example,

“So Mike, how long have you been with the organization?”
“I see where you are coming from, Mike.”
“That reminds of of a story, Mike. Two days ago I went to see my doctor…”

Saying their name also increases their attention to you.

Please remember that you don’t have to use their name in every sentence. That will sound superficial and make them uncomfortable.

Associate the name to the face. We often remember faces better than names. To help your brain tie the two together, turn the name into an image that you can associate with the person’s face. To make it stands out, exaggerate it. For example, let’s say you met a person whose name is Brad. Brad sounds similar to bread. So to stick the name to the face, imagine Brad is eating a huge loaf of bread. The next time you see Brad, that image will pop up in your mind and you can quickly remember his name.

The next time we meet a new person, let’s give them the attention they deserve!

” A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”
Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

In English, Workplace

I don’t have time to hang out. How do I maintain a working relationship without looking like a leech?

You’ve probably met a ‘leech’ at work. Somebody who is nice to you and will talk to you only when they need something from you. Some call them fair-weather friends. Some others went as far as calling them ‘parasites’ because they are the only ones benefiting from a relationship.

To be honest, most people don’t want to be a leech. At least not on purpose. On the other hand, with so many things to do and so little time to socialize, you cannot escape the fact that there are people who you will only talk to when you need something from them.

So how can you stay on good terms with people who you rarely talk to?

1. When you interact with them, ask questions to get to know them. You can use a lot of topics to start a conversation. Let’s say you are discussing a project with a colleague and you see some pictures of kids on his desk. Ask him about the kids in the photos. Are they his children? How old are they? What are their names? What do they like?

Let’s say she’s just back from a two-week holiday. Invite her to talk about it. How was their vacation? Where did they go? Anything fun? Or, you can ask work-related questions. How are they doing with their projects? How are they progressing?

2. Follow up on what you learned about them. For example,

When you went to Claire for her help, you got to talking and you learned she had kids in high school. The next time you see her in the pantry, you can ask about how her kids are holding up in last exams.
Bob is a proud owner of a daschund. You know this because there are pictures of Sparky, his dog, everywhere in his cubicle, and because he spent 10 minutes telling you about Sparky’s favorite food. At the next meeting with him, you can bring a treat for Sparky.
Matt is fan of running. He’s been in more races than you can count on all fingers and toes of yours and of your family’s combined. When you see a friend posted about a running event on his social media, you can ask Matt about it. “Hey Matt, my friend signed up for this race. Have you heard about it?”

Maybe all the time you have to interact with your co-workers is only during work hours, and only work-related. Make that little time count. Ask questions, and be interested in their lives. In turn, they will be interested in you.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

In English, Personal Reflection

Restarting

I have been blogging on and off for decades. I’m sure you’re not so keen to read my renewed intention to write faithfully. All you want is to see that my blog is regularly updated with new posts. Trust me, so do I. Why on earth is it so difficult for me to keep blogging? To be bluntly honest, because :

I am not confident that you want to read what I post
The perfectionist in me thinks my post sucks
I have no ide what to write.

Maybe some of you (or not) have similar experiences. Some of you may have given up blogging. The funny thing is, I believe that this is something for me. I love to write, and blogging is a great channel to express it.

So here I am, yet again picking up and dusting my blog. Thank you for bearing with me all this time. Let’s start a new journey in 2022.

In English, Opinions, Personal Observation

What to Avoid when Making Resumés

I once read an article titled “10 Ways Your Resumé Irks Hiring Managers.” Back then, I had just read through hundreds of resumes myself as I was looking for candidates for vacant positions. Naturally the title is of great interest for me.

The article listed 10 mistakes applicants make in their resumés. I tried to find the article again with no luck. Luckily I had copied the list. After comparing some of the points with my own experience, here’s what I came up with (my comments in brackets):

1. Spelling Mistakes and Grammatical Errors. (This is a big red flag. This could be an indication of the applicant’s lack of attention to work quality and thoroughness in completing a task. There are tons of resources to check anything for grammatical and spelling correctness, such as grammarly.com, or the spell checker in the latest word processing app.)

2. Opening Objective. (Some applicants found it necessary to include an objective in applying for the position. I personally think it is not necessary. Most of the time it is obvious what someone wants to get when applying for a job. Skipping this won’t be a bad idea, because the real chance to put the best foot forward is in the interview.)

3. Personal Attributes. (Recruiters don’t need to know that a person has a black belt in karate. Unless they are looking for a club bouncer.)

4. Interest and Hobbies. (Some interests do add value to a resumé. Some are better to be kept to yourself. I remember one applicant wrote in his interest, “I hate the government.” Yes, you guessed it. I immediately put it on the “reject” pile. A better strategy to display interests and hobbies is to put it on social media or blogs, and list the link in the contact information. Recruiters love it when they can dig out more information about an applicant.)

5. Details of every task you’ve ever performed in every job you’ve ever had. (Some descriptions of past responsibilities do help to illustrate capabilities. But there is no need to use 10 pages to detail them. This is even evident if an applicant held similar jobs in different companies. A better strategy is to list completed challenges in pervious job posts. This would make it easier for the hiring manager to see if the applicant is a good fit with the challenges of the vacant position.)

6. Excessive Bragging. (Point 5 can escalate to showing off if one is not careful in describing his/her past achievements. For example, listing all the VIPs or celebrities an applicant had previously worked with or the dollar amount of bonuses he/she had won may come across as bragging. Keep the information about job achievements relevant by focusing on what was done in one sentence. The “how” can be discussed in the interview.)

7. Outdated Information. (There is no use to list skills that are no longer in demand just to make a resumé long and impressive. Considering the very small amount a manager can give in reading resumés, it is a better strategy to list the skills that are relevant to the job being applied to, and keep the rest for the interview.)

8. False Information. (One applicant had a suspicious name for his college. I googled it, and I found out the school was banned by the Indonesian Ministry of Education because it sold diplomas. In the era where information is highly accessible anytime, lying on a resumé is downright stupid.)

9. Unexplained gaps in work history. (Some applicants thought they only need to list impressive past job positions and to skip the three-month job probation that went wrong. This may create gaps in a resumé that would raise questions in the mind of the hiring manager. It is best to be honest and write down job experience as it is.)

10. A lack of professionalism. (I got this a lot, especially from first time applicants. They simply type their resumés with no additional formatting. There are many free templates available online, or in Microsoft Word. Again, hiring managers have to go through piles of applications. A professional look can make one resumé stand out from the rest, and improve its chance of being read in full.

Here are a few things that I would add to the list:

11. E-mailing resume to multiple companies in a single send. As soon as I see addresses other than mine in the “To:” field, I either perceive the applicant as being cocky (it’s like he’s saying, “hey, just to let you know I’m not applying just to you,”) or simply as being too lazy to send each application in a separate mail. Cocky and Lazy. Those are two things in a person who I am so keen to keep as far away from being part of my company.

12. Wrong addressee. Some applicants sent too many resumes that they forgot to change the name of the recipient in the cover letter. I got that several times. Since it might be just an honest mistake, I sent a reply pointing out the error, and ask for the applicant to send me another e-mail with the correct name in the address. When the applicant didn’t do what I suggested, I knew the person was just not worth my time.

13. Pictures Not Perfect. In Indonesia, especially in service industry, we do ask for pictures of the applicants. We do not mean to discriminate a person by physical appearance. We can learn about a person’s personality from the way he/she presents himself/herself in a picture. Also, it is a good security measure to know how a person looks like before inviting him in for an interview. Unfortunately, some applicants do not see this as an opportunity to sell themselves. Instead of a well-groomed image, they sent a selfie photo, or a very miniscule graphic representation of themselves, or a photo so blurred it’s hard to identify the person. They took themselves for granted. Why should the hiring managers treat them differently?

14. Too Little Information. This is so true for fresh graduates applying for their first jobs. They thought that resumés can only contain work related experience, when they had none. Since they could not come up with anything they thought worth saying, they simply let their resume to be half a page long. This left very little room for conversation. And even the weather cannot make up for it. I had awkward interview moments when I really did not know what else to ask, and the candidate had nothing else to say! When hiring new graduates, I like to probe for some activities in school that they are particularly good at or at least they love doing. Anything that contributes to work capability discussion is worth noting. If there is little to say in job experience, be more informative on the part of the resumé related to school or social activities.

15. Sending In Multiple Resumés from Different People in a single e-mail. Email accounts are free and very easy to make these days. There is no room for excuse such as “I don’t have an email address so I asked my friend to help send it along with his.”

The way we make our resumés speaks volumes about the way we do our work and, most importantly, about ourselves.

Edited and updated on January 10, 2021

Current Issues, In English, Lessons, Opinions

Embracing Another “New” Normal

The security guard watched closely as I unhooked my backpack from my shoulders and placed it on the x-ray machine. I was sure I already put my gloves, my cap and my phone in there, and I was about to continue my entrance into the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum when she stopped me. “Your cold pack too, sir,” she said, pointing at my winter jacket. Of course. I could have hidden some dangerous item inside my jacket.

It was December 2002, just shy of 14 months after a group of 19 terrorists hijacked four passenger jets and crashed two them into the World Trace Center towers on September 11, 2001. America was in high alert.

Special scrutiny was given to passengers going to the US or flying on US airlines. Flying on Northwest (now Delta) Airlines from Singapore to DC, we had to go through a screening interview by the airline security at Changi airport. “What is the purpose of your visit to the US? May I see your invitation? Is this your luggage? Who packed your luggage? Have you ever left your luggage out of sight? Has anyone approached you and asked you to bring something for them?” It was pretty jarring to be confronted with those questions at 4 in the morning. No amount of caffeine could ever give you the same jolt.

Post 9/11, there were more attacks by different groups and individuals on various targets in different countries. Some of targets were night clubs in Bali (2002), a school in Beslan, North Ossetia (2004), underground trains in London (2005), a hotel in Mumbai (2008),a Sikh Temple in Wisconsin (2012), a shopping mall in Nairobi (2013), a magazine publisher in Paris (2015), a church in Texas (2017), and a mosque in Christchurch (2019).

As possibility of violent attacks is ever present, nowadays security checkpoints are common sights almost at every public areas: airports, office buildings, music concerts, shopping malls, theatres, theme parks, schools, even in houses of worship. We have accepted security threats as a daily possibility, and security checks as part of our lives. Being subjected to searches, scans, dog sniffs, even body frisks has become routine. We no longer see it as overreaction. It is what our normal has become.

If someone from the 80’s had traveled through time and landed in 2020, they would have been dumbfounded at having to go through security just to stop by a hotel to use the restroom. “What do you mean you need to check my bag? Keep your hands off!” They would have been even more surprised when the security guard pointed a infrared thermometer at their forehead and asked them to sanitize their hands!

But that’s the new reality today. As terrorism and gun violence changed our world, so has Covid-19 pandemic. To stop the virus from infecting more people, governments imposed various rules that affected the way we live and work. Some believe that until a few of those changes will stay for good.

As the virus started to widespread, starting on January 23, 2020, authorities issued lockdown on Wuhan and other cities in the Hubei Province, China. People were ordered to stay home. Public transportation, airport and highways were closed. Some non-essential companies were ordered to shutdown. It took the cities nearly 3 months to be declared free of new Covid-19 cases, and finally the lockdown order was lifted on April 8, 2020.

Bloomberg reported, when Wuhan workers slowly returned to their jobs, they are faced with measures that the companies have put in place to minimize risk of infection. In Lenovo tablet and phone factory in Wuhan, before returning to their work site, staff members had to pass tests proving that they were free from the virus, and they had to wait for the result in a special dormitory. The meeting rooms that used to accommodate six, now could only be used by three people. The cafeteria had partitions put on tables with reminders to avoid conversations during meals. Rooms were disinfected regularly, with the last cleaning date posted on signs. Robots were used to deliver parts to reduce the number of interactions between people. The elevators were shut, and everyone must take the stairs.

Yes, Wuhan is no longer under lockdown, but infection risk is still present. The way people live there is no longer the same.

As some governments, including ours, begin to completely lift or ease restrictions, either due to its success in controlling transmission of Covid-19 or to economic pressure, the virus is still with us. There is no guarantee that the absence of new cases means that the virus has been completely eradicated. Some people will remain to be carriers although experiencing no symptoms. In turn, they may infect less healthy people in the slightest way possible.

In 2010, there was an episode of a popular TV show on Discovery Channel called Mythbusters, where the hosts conducted an experiment to see how far snot from a person with a cold could transfer to others in the same room within an hour. Similar experiment was also done by NHK, the Japanese public broadcaster to see how far germs from a sneeze that was covered by hand could be picked up by people eating a buffet on a cruise ship. The answer was grim: in a short time, the germs landed on everyone in the room. Imagine if the sneeze was from a person with Covid-19.

This realization will change in the way we conduct our day-to-day lives. We must be aware not to touch surfaces with our bare hands. We must keep our faces and hands covered. We must wash our hands often. We must keep a minimum of 6 feet from others. Much of our life will move online. Some of us may have to keep working at home as companies reduce their space. We no longer hold meetings in person, but online. Our children learn at home while the teachers give lessons through the internet.

For many of us, it will be difficult to accept these changes to our way of life. The bad news is, this won’t be the last time it would change. Some experts predict that there will be other pandemics in the future, and that crisis will be our continuous mode of thinking.

The good news is this is not the first time our normal has changed. We have survived previous changes and we will survive more changes, as long as we have the right mindset. For myself, here are some that I am learning to internalize.

Stop hanging to the past. When my father passed away nearly three years ago, I was having a hard time accepting his absence. I thought of the many things that I could have done with him that I didn’t, and the regret was bearing down on me. One thought that consoled me was my Dad was already happy where he was, and nothing in this world could make him happier. If we wanted to move on into the new normal, we must stop thinking about how good our lives were in past. Who knows, this new situation can also bring good things.
Accepting the new normal. It wasn’t easy to adapt to working from home. There were things that I could not do from home. But as time went on and my team and I began to find ways to make it work, I realized that it is not that bad. We found that we did not have to print everything on paper. There were resources that we could use to stay in touch and communicate. For me, being apart from the others give me the space to think without feeling pressured.
Enjoying the new normal. There are things that I could do now that I couldn’t in the past. In the office, I often got invited to meetings where I did not have much to contribute. It was almost always a waste of time. But when it is online, I could move my attendance from my laptop to my phone, put on my earpiece, turn off my microphone and camera, and spend the time doing something else while listening, and making occasional comments.
Taking advantage of the new normal. Now that many people will spend most of their time online, there are opportunities to exploit. It is now easier to learn anything as there are now many free webinars and online courses. I found it easier now to attend community meetings since many of them are now online. Some people decided to make more social media content since they have so much free time now that they don’t have to fight traffic to work. For me, the opportunity is to expand my online presence by writing articles and blog posts.

There are challenges in the future, that is a given. We have gone through changes in the past, and we have prevailed. As there are crisis so there are opportunities. Our choice will decide how much better or worse off this situation make us.

Have a great New Year!

In English, leadership, Lessons

Don’t Stay In The Dark

Yesterday was the 11th session of our Dale Carnegie Live Online Effective Communication and Human Relations class. In the second part of the session, one participant gave an inspiring talk on how he recovered from depression after an accident. “Everyone said that even if I was able to recover, I would walk with a limp. That crushed me because that could mean I would never be able to work again. I was so dejected I did nothing but stay in bed,” he retold his darkest hours while holding back emotion.

“One day I read a quote that said, ‘Do not stay in the dark, because in darkness even your shadow leaves you.’ That quote snapped me out of my self-pity. I asked for a pair of crutches and started to learn to walk again.” he said. “Finally my legs healed. I was able to finish my school and get back to work. Now I can walk normally.”

The speech won him an Outstanding Performance Award.

The quote he mentioned haunted me. I looked it up, and I found that the actual quote was different:

“Do not depend too much on anyone in this world because even your shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.”
Ibn Taymiyyah

But the essence is there. Sometimes we lock ourselves inside a terrible situation because we either wait for someone to get us out or because we blame it on somebody and refuse to take responsibility to get ourselves out.

Regardless of which way see it, we lose. Nobody benefits from our staying in a rut. We might as well stop relying on and stop blaming others, pick ourselves up, and walk away.

Previously published as a Facebook post.

Stephen Siregar

Live Life. Leave a Legacy.